Top 5 Ways To Hide Crypto Losses From Your Wife

So you've lost all your money.

You put your entire paycheck into an absolute shitter and now you can't let the other-half know.

What options do you have? Do you tell her and risk divorce? No, you hide the losses, here's how.

1. Confuse her with Crypto jargon

"Honey I can't pay the food shop this week the liquidity pool has a new node so the price impact will be too high and therefore I won't be getting my true $ value this month if I sell my tokens."

2. Say you've been giving generously to charity

"I was eating steak and saw an ad on TV featuring starving children in Africa, and I just felt so bad I sent over $79,000 out of the joint account to get them a new village well. I'm sorry, I'm just too generous sometimes."

3. Learn how to gaslight effectively

"Jenny you told me to save money, so it's kind of your fault that I "locked it away in the really high-interest TerraUSD staking for 5 years".

4. Use inspect element to change the amount of $ value

You can change how much she sees in your Coinbase account with this neat and handy trick. (Don't add too many zeroes or she will really want that new car she's been talking about).

5. Create a Decoy Investment

Set up a fake investment portfolio that shows steady, modest gains. It’s entirely fictional, but it will give the illusion that you’ve been responsibly making a solid 3% annually. Just don’t forget to also periodically complain about taxes to keep it believable.

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$SNM Contract Address (ERC-20)

0x77571a64342667f7818520eF004b2b91F47a266b