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World Clown Association Offers Gary Gensler A New Job
Reportedly, the WCA has closely monitored Gensler's work at the SEC and has been incredibly impressed.
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Richard Heart Wins Farmer Of The Year Award
Heart beat out fierce competition from the likes of Azuki, Yuga Labs, and whoever keeps launching all those shitcoin farms.
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Lizard People Association Distances Itself From Zuckerberg After Twitter Lawsuit
“Hoarding personal data and influencing elections is fine, but stealing IP is something we cannot condone."
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Crypto Whale Group Wiped Out By Japanese Fishing Vessel
Since the incident, rug pulls and pump & dumps have dropped a staggering 1%.
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Swing Trader Hits Tree
The unnamed 28-year-old man escaped relatively unscathed.
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New FBI Desensitization Training Involves Trading Meme Coins For 2 Weeks
Human rights organizations have condemned the new training as barbaric and inhumane.
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Biden Signs Bill Allowing Meme Coins To Identify As Commodities
The move has been welcomed by the wider crypto community.
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Hacker Reveals BitBoy's Password Was "BitBoy"
Over $300,000 has been stolen since the hacker gained access to BitBoy's account.
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Gary Gensler Forcibly Removed From Local Denny's After Refusing To Clarify Lunch Order
Witnesses claim Gensler repeatedly told staff, "If you can hear my stomach growling, then my order is obvious."
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Scientists Believe New Neuralink Prototype Could Give Gary Gensler The Ability To Think
Cautious optimism among leading scientists as early trial data show promising results.
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Gary Gensler Found To Be Rare Variety Of Talking Peanut
Evil scientists succeed in creating a talking peanut to spread FUD about cryptocurrencies.
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Memecoin Devs Rush To Pivot Branding In Wake Of Chinese Meta
Use of the color red is reportedly up 37,000%.