Ethereum Holder Retires at 105
Greg said he invested everything he could and survived on 1 meal of Kraft Mac & Cheese per day while sometimes 'going to sleep for dinner.'
Latest
Local Man Hopes That Wasn't The Bull Run
A local man has expressed his hope that the recent upwards price action in the cryptocurrency market wasn't the entire bull run as he's still made absolutely no money.
World Clown Association Offers Gary Gensler A New Job
Reportedly, the WCA has closely monitored Gensler's work at the SEC and has been incredibly impressed.
Top 5 Ways To Hide Crypto Losses From Your Wife
What to do when you've put your entire paycheck into an absolute shitter and you can't let the other-half know.
Michael Saylor Breaks Tooth on Chocolate Bitcoin
Saylor took a break from posting AI generated images of the Bitcoin logo when disaster struck.
Solana Foundation Announces Release of World's Fastest Toaster
The toaster is said to handle speeds of up to 2TPS (toast per second).
SnailMoon Founders Arrested For Being Too Slow
Law enforcement made the arrest after a brisk 45-second bicycle chase.
Local Man Buys All-Time High Despite Several Warnings From Himself
After a 10-second discussion with himself, local man decided $SHIT was the best financial decision.
SafeMoon Accused of Copying SnailMoon's Branding
SnailMoon has never even heard of SafeMoon according to the team.
Local Man Flees Country Instead Of Trying To Calculate His Crypto Taxes
"If you'd seen my 40,000+ shitcoin transactions in Metamask, you'd understand."
SnailMoon Reaches Record Slow Speed
The record was celebrated by the four people still active in the Telegram chat.
Police Report They Still Haven't Found That One Guy Rugging Everyone
"I don't know who Ethereum is or why he's selling rugs but we'll catch this guy."
$SNM
SnailMoon Wins Award For Lowest Market Cap
The $SNM community is proud that their hard work shilling has paid off.
Finance
Project Rugs While Man Has First Shower In 5 Days
The man removed his last $24 ($7 after gas) and sat in silence for 10 minutes.
Finance
Community Panic Holds
"The last time there was FUD, the token I was holding went down 90% in 4 minutes."
Finance
How To Not Sound Unemployed: A Crypto Investor's Guide
Step 1: Don't ever mention cryptocurrency.
Finance
Local Man Holds Shitcoin Until Heat Death Of The Universe
Dust to dust.
Finance
Top 10 Ways To Soft FUD Your Investments In Telegram Chat
The moron's masterclass in staying poor - beginners welcome.
$SNM
Crypto Project Builds Bridge
The SnailMoon team will be paying outright for the development of the bridge, with costs expected to amount to around $12.
Finance
Crypto Investor Confused By Green Number In His Portfolio
Friends of the investor have been forced to explain what the green numbers and plus sign meant.
Finance
Investors Shocked To Discover "Inu" Means Dog In Japanese
This revelation has caused confusion as many investors had assumed that "inu" was simply a random string of letters that sounded cool.
World
Richard Heart Wins Farmer Of The Year Award
Heart beat out fierce competition from the likes of Azuki, Yuga Labs, and whoever keeps launching all those shitcoin farms.
Finance
Tesla Adds 2nd Display For Shitcoin Trading
"My Tesla was able to automatically change my destination to the bank so I could declare bankruptcy."
World
Lizard People Association Distances Itself From Zuckerberg After Twitter Lawsuit
“Hoarding personal data and influencing elections is fine, but stealing IP is something we cannot condone."