Finance

How To Not Sound Unemployed: A Crypto Investor's Guide

Step 1: Don't ever mention cryptocurrency.

Reporter Steve

24 Jul 2023 — 2 min read

Not sure how to answer when asked what you're currently doing for work? Embarrassed to answer that you trade crypto for a living? Not to worry, this handy guide has you covered.

Step 1

Don't ever mention cryptocurrency.

The topic often leads to conversations that participants immediately want to leave. It's important to keep this in mind at all times.

This includes using slang terms like "moon," "bullish" or "FOMO." These words might be familiar to other crypto investors, but to any normal people, they will probably sound like gibberish.

If you find yourself in a financial conversation, use real financial terms like "market capitalization," "volatility," or "portfolio diversification." Not only will you sound more intelligent, you might even be able to learn something.

Step 2

Look like you have a life outside of crypto (and disposable income).

To make yourself appear like you have friends, practice talking with imaginary ones. You can Google to find out the popular baby names for the year of your birth in your country, this will make them more believable when you need to bring them up in conversation.

Have a good cover story ready for if someone asks what you do for work. Remote working can be a good example but it is often overused so use it with caution.

Tip: Ask others what they do for work first, so you can tailor your answer. This way, you minimize the risk of them knowing that you know nothing (having two made-up job stories helps with this).

Step 3

Use mirrors to check your portfolio.

This one is very simple. If you need to look at your portfolio when in the company of others - use reflective surfaces to check, tricking people into thinking you're looking at other things than your phone the whole time.

Step 4

Pretend to be a completely different person.

If you can completely convince yourself through sheer force of will then you should be able to do this. If not, simply role-play someone who has a proper job and a normal life.

Tip: Try and use childhood memories to imagine the person you could have been without crypto ever influencing you.

Step 5

Have a backup/escape plan.

Have a spare topic like food or old movies ready. It's essential to have something other than crypto to talk about. If you find yourself rambling, ask questions. This will buy you valuable time to gather your composure.

If you want to leave, text yourself from your second phone after going to the bathroom. You can easily fake an emergency this way.

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