Finance
Ethereum Holder Retires at 105
Greg said he invested everything he could and survived on 1 meal of Kraft Mac & Cheese per day while sometimes 'going to sleep for dinner.'
Reporter Steve
The real SnailMoon.
Finance
Local Man Hopes That Wasn't The Bull Run
A local man has expressed his hope that the recent upwards price action in the cryptocurrency market wasn't the entire bull run as he's still made absolutely no money.
World
World Clown Association Offers Gary Gensler A New Job
Reportedly, the WCA has closely monitored Gensler's work at the SEC and has been incredibly impressed.
Finance
Top 5 Ways To Hide Crypto Losses From Your Wife
What to do when you've put your entire paycheck into an absolute shitter and you can't let the other-half know.
Finance
Michael Saylor Breaks Tooth on Chocolate Bitcoin
Saylor took a break from posting AI generated images of the Bitcoin logo when disaster struck.
Finance
Solana Foundation Announces Release of World's Fastest Toaster
The toaster is said to handle speeds of up to 2TPS (toast per second).
$SNM
SnailMoon Founders Arrested For Being Too Slow
Law enforcement made the arrest after a brisk 45-second bicycle chase.
Local
Local Man Buys All-Time High Despite Several Warnings From Himself
After a 10-second discussion with himself, local man decided $SHIT was the best financial decision.
$SNM
SafeMoon Accused of Copying SnailMoon's Branding
SnailMoon has never even heard of SafeMoon according to the team.
Local
Local Man Flees Country Instead Of Trying To Calculate His Crypto Taxes
"If you'd seen my 40,000+ shitcoin transactions in Metamask, you'd understand."
$SNM
SnailMoon Reaches Record Slow Speed
The record was celebrated by the four people still active in the Telegram chat.
Finance
Police Report They Still Haven't Found That One Guy Rugging Everyone
"I don't know who Ethereum is or why he's selling rugs but we'll catch this guy."