SnailMoon Founders Arrested For Being Too Slow

Law enforcement made the arrest after a brisk 45-second bicycle chase.

Local Man Buys All-Time High Despite Several Warnings From Himself

After a 10-second discussion with himself, local man decided $SHIT was the best financial decision.

SafeMoon Accused of Copying SnailMoon's Branding

SnailMoon has never even heard of SafeMoon according to the team.

Local Man Flees Country Instead Of Trying To Calculate His Crypto Taxes

"If you'd seen my 40,000+ shitcoin transactions in Metamask, you'd understand."

SnailMoon Reaches Record Slow Speed

The record was celebrated by the four people still active in the Telegram chat.

Police Report They Still Haven't Found That One Guy Rugging Everyone

"I don't know who Ethereum is or why he's selling rugs but we'll catch this guy."

SnailMoon Wins Award For Lowest Market Cap

The $SNM community is proud that their hard work shilling has paid off.

Project Rugs While Man Has First Shower In 5 Days

The man removed his last $24 ($7 after gas) and sat in silence for 10 minutes.

Community Panic Holds

"The last time there was FUD, the token I was holding went down 90% in 4 minutes."

How To Not Sound Unemployed: A Crypto Investor's Guide

Step 1: Don't ever mention cryptocurrency.

Local Man Holds Shitcoin Until Heat Death Of The Universe

Dust to dust.

Top 10 Ways To Soft FUD Your Investments In Telegram Chat

The moron's masterclass in staying poor - beginners welcome.